Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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