Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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