'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
