He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
