If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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