It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize