Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
