Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
