Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
