it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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