please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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