you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just googled if crying burns calories
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
