I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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