Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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