highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
