Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
