He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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