the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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