Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
