All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
