Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
farters have to be the big spoon...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
