Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize