All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
