You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize