My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
