I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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