Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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