it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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