I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
