I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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