sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm at about main and main street
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
