I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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