third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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