Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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