do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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