why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this boner is exhausting
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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