she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
