Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
