We're facebook friends in real life
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
