But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
