i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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