I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
