walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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