honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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