I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
