How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
