you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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