Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize