Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
