He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
