careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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