my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
