is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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