Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
