He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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