So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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