So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
is it fun? or sober?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
