His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
