Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
