Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
