Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
