This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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