Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
