He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
