she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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