Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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