Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
