Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
