he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
