And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
