Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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