I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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