Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
