dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
