My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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