i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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