whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your mouth is God's brothel.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
