his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
