Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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