Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
