hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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