you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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