either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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