if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
