Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
