Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize