thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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