Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
