My liver just broke up with me...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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