hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize