What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
