Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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