xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They have beer where we have blood.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize