Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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