I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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